“Sasha, don’t tell anyone, but he’s a full sized midget…” - sarazona
oh hi. i just bought tickets to san francisco. see ya in february!
Commitment is required for a comedian
8 year-old girl: Describe Frankenstein.
Me: A big guy with bolts in his neck.
Girl: Wrong. Frank and Stein. Two guys. You could say anything about them really. I made that joke up. Except Stein isn't really a person's name. When I have a kid I'm going to name it Stein so that it's a name.
Me: You're going to name your kid so a joke you made up when you were 8 makes more sense?
me: so why are you going to egypt?
therapist: well, what do you think made me want to go egypt?
me: you? pyramids.
therapist: not specifically.
me: umm...archeological digs?
me: the weather?
me: ...well am i getting warmer?
me: well if it's not drugs i don't care anymore.
kim: hi puppy! meow!
me: did you just meow at my dog?
kim: well, i'm more of a cat person.